Raging Passions Versus Adult Responsibilities

I’m sitting here in my room under a thick zebra print comforter, staring at the reflection of my glossy and swollen morning face in the mirror. I’m listening to the noticeable hum of my electric revolving heater, with my cat Gaza Panther curling up his warm fur against my left thigh. Today there’s supposed to be a major snowstorm, and so New York City schools have been closed down, and luckily I get to enjoy a rare day off. So I’m thinking, about writing, about travel, about financial independence, and the courage to face one’s fears. I’m thinking about just plain freedom for my passions. I think about these things almost everyday actually.

Like many twenty-somethings over the age of twenty-five, I’m beginning to face the reality of life’s closing loop before me (quarter-life crisis I know). My wild and adventurous teenage years are behind me (almost :-D), my adult career path as an educator is already six years in the making, I’m in a relationship I LOVE, and my overall future is beginning to shape itself around those things.

My heart though? My heart, like most of you probably reading this is crying out for more! It is impossible to ignore the thoughts that drive my insatiable desire to be doing all the things I am passionate about. I want endless wild travel adventures, poetry and metaphors galore, short films and beautiful images that rage emotional storms. I want to be surrounded by inspirational creatives (poets, writers, filmmakers, photographers, philanthropists, leaders in service to others) and I want unquestionable success in these fields! Most of all I want the ability to do them without guilt or fear of where my next paycheck will come from.

I read a few posts from this awesome blog just before writing this post www.eatsleepbreathetravel.com and I was caught inspired, once more wanting yet doubting whether or not I could really live that way, unapologetically traveling the world, my life being all about me myself and I, experiencing any and everything I want, when I want it. And I’m damn torn.

I think about the things in my life that I’ve done almost effortlessly without obligation,

Enjoying the sights at Xel-Ha in Quintana Roo, Mexico

like writing and traveling, and I can’t help but wonder why I can’t push myself to make a living solely out of those things. “But you can,” my conscience says to me, “and I know this,” my own voice answers back, “so what now?” we both respond. The tension is palpable.

So now I write. So now I travel. So now I press record. So now I do shoots! So now I seek to develop those passions into a professional gig by making actionable decisions that launch them forward. So now, I accept the challenge and leap with faith. So now I accept the flower that is blooming inside me. So now, I do me.

Off course there are a million other things that matter to me, that I am invested in, that I will continue to carry with me in this world, like my belief that education and wisdom, plus experience are the keys to everything in this world. Off course I will put my strength into making sure that I am making a difference in this world for a better tomorrow, but in this too, I recognize that I also owe it to myself to DO AND BE WHAT I LOVE! I’m sure you know this too.